i was born a porn star she said
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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