don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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