coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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