I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
