I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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