OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Semen is not good for contacts.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
