you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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