I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
