Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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