Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
