I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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