Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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