So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize