I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
