I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
