Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
