With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
