You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
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I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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