Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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