My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
