is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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