yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
