I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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