my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
