meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
