I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
