i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
