This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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