Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
