Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
