dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
