Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
