You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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I just want nice things and good sex
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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