I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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