im drinking this country out of the recession.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
