Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
