Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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