The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
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Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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