Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
