There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
