All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
