its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
