So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
