I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
