my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
