I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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