I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
