worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
