I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
