I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
