They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Also, beer. Big fan.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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