Me. At least after what I've been through.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
