dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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