It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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