I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize