i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
