So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I had to cum in my sink.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
