all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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