make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
