i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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