Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
whose parrot is this?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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