Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
