I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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