2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
