we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
