he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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