I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
