Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
