i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I just put wine in my tea
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
