Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
