Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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