Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
