So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
