I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
