Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
