Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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